this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
