Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
