You can't motorboat a personality
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
