Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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