Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
