Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
