just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
