I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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