what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
