I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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