I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
