yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
