I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
