i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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