dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
