Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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