im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
