I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
