Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I wear drunk well.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
