you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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