Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
