You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
