I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
