Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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