What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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