she woke up with a sticky ear
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
