um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
