Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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