I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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