I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You pole danced in your parka.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
