All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Ketchup is God's man juice
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
