Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
