im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
