and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
