all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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