brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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