now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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