U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
