I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
