He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
