Rock
Scissors
Fuck
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
