For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
