She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
