I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
