Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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