I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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