she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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