his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
