I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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