You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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