i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
