please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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