i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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