eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
