Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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